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Parrot Patter


It’s All Latin To Me By Malcolm Welshman

Here’s my Melopsittacus undulatus to have her beak trimmed,’ quipped Mr Hargreaves as he slid a cage containing a green and yellow Budgerigar onto my consulting table. Even then it wasn’t typical as Mr Hargreaves was quick to inform me. ‘It’s a spangle light green,’ he said.  ‘As you can see, this mutation primarily affects the markings […]

Worthy Of An Oscar By Malcolm Welshman

The woman in reception turned as I entered. ‘Darling,’ she drawled in a mid-Atlantic accent, an arm flamboyantly flung out to greet me.  ‘I’m Francesca Cavendish.  You may have seen something of me on TV.’ I wasn’t certain but she vaguely resembled the woman who did the cat food ads – opening a pouch of […]

Christmas Eve By Malcolm Welshman

When the phone rang on Christmas morning, the voice at the end of the line had a thick, Scottish accent and was full of doom and gloom. No Christmas spirit there. ‘What seems to be the problem? I asked trying to keep the chill out of my own voice once I’d confirmed that, yes, I […]

The Bird Bible By Malcolm Welshman

Miss Mildred Millichip had a whole battalion of feathered recruits. Rank after rank of them. Many were her ‘war wounded’ as she called them. They filled her life as indeed they filled her bungalow. Rescued Budgies, Parrots and Cockatoos peered from cages that lined windowsills and mantlepieces, balanced on tables and chairs, and spilled out […]

The Parrot Whisperer By Malcolm Welshman

If you don’t mind me say,’ said my receptionist, staring at me, ‘but I think you need bucking up.’ Ah here we go I thought. In need of a holiday. Should get away. Things are getting on top of me.  Blah. Blah. Blah. ‘This might help.’ Beryl had a leaflet in her vermilion-clawed hand which […]

Bill The Cockatiel By Malcolm Welshman

Here’s a funny story about Bill the Cockatiel. Mrs Tidy swung the Parrot cage containing the Cockatiel onto the table.  Bill’s cage was spotless.  Its metal bars gleamed.  Its mirrors shone.  Both feed and water pots brilliant in their whiteness.  The floor too was spotless.  Not a mark on the overlying sand sheet.  It was a wonder […]

Hamish The African Grey By Malcolm Welshman

When I strode into reception, I was greeted by two sets of beady eyes, both of which stared intently at me. One was grey-green, fronted by spectacles in gold frames, belonging to a petite, silver-haired lady. She was smartly dressed in a 1970’s-style pale lemon trouser suit and matching jacket. The other pair of eyes […]

TV Star Hamish By Malcolm Welshman

I’d met Hamish some months before. And now I was to see the African Grey once again. That afternoon, up in reception, a loud ‘Don’t get your knickers in a twist,’ rang out. Very precise. Very clear. Even though announced in a Scottish burr. ‘Ah,’ exclaimed my receptionist, Beryl, finishing the remains of her mug […]

Nothing Noteworthy By Malcolm Welshman

With a name like Trilling it was no surprise the lady spoke as she did. She was the epitome of a dawn chorus – a jungle stuffed with Parrots. Every time she opened her mouth a flock of them flew out. Her husband, a diminutive man, standing next to her in the consulting room, didn’t […]

The Vicar’s Flock By Malcolm Welshman

Dozy, Beaky, Nick and Titch were birds of a feather.  Parrots to be precise.  One Red Browed Amazon, a Quaker, and two African Greys owned by Reverend James and his wife. Titch was the first African Grey to be acquired. ‘We don’t know much about Parrots,’ said Mrs. Matthews as James heaved the enormous cage […]

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